Guardian Angel - A Year Later

"Loved with a love beyond telling. Missed with a grief beyond tears."

Last year at this time, I remember crying to my Mom saying that I just wished it was next year, so that Lindsay and Jeremy's pain would not be so deep and that our hearts would not be so heavy. Then, I remember thinking what a horrible mother I was for wishing away Jameson's first year, but I just wanted my heart to stop hurting so much. Fast forward a year and even though I think our hearts have healed some, I know that for Lindsay and Jeremy, life must still be so hard. I see all of the milestones that Jameson goes through and I always feel a pang deep down knowing that his cousin should have gone through the same milestones a few weeks before. I still cry uncontrollably at times when I think about Lauren and how my sister and Jeremy must feel at times. I just continue to pray that their hearts heal some each day because I think that is all I can really do. They will be blessed soon with their rainbow baby - a baby who will be the beauty and brightness after a horrific storm. We are all holding our breaths for her safe arrival and we know that Lauren will live through her. 

Today, I celebrate Lauren on her one year birthday. I wish with every ounce of my being that she was here today smashing cake in her face, but I know that she is probably up in heaven enjoying a big piece of cake, opening oodles of presents and dancing around in a pretty pink tutu. Happy Birthday sweet girl - you are forever in my heart. Gone, but definitely not forgotten.

Always in my heart.