Mommy Guilt

I don't know if it's just that I haven't let myself think about it or if it really did just now hit me, but I had my first "Jameson is not going to be my only baby anymore" moment. Surprised it took 32 weeks to have one of these moments, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to welcome baby sister and start our life as a family of 4. But, the realization that I have to share my time, my heart and my love with someone other than my little bean is quite a lot to process.  How on earth could I possibly love another little one as much as I love Jameson? How will he deal with having to share my time and love? Will he still know how much I love him?  Just thinking about this all makes me feel, well, almost guilty. He has only ever been number one. It just makes me wonder how he will deal with the massive life change. I know it is going to be a big adjustment for all of us, but I am most worried about him. I just pray that we can spread out our love equally across the two of them. I pray that my heart grows enough to share my love. I pray that neither one of my children ever questions my love for them.

After my little mini meltdown, I grabbed Jameson, hugged him and told him how much I loved him. I know that I will just have to remind him that he is still my "baby" too. He will always be my baby. We will make sure to have him help as much as possible with baby sister so that he doesn't feel like she is getting all of our time. We will have to remember to be patient if he accidentally wakes up baby sister because he was playing too loudly or during one of the "terrible two" moments. This is the part of parenthood that is a "learn as you go" situation. No one can tell you exactly how to deal with such a big change - we all do whatever works best for us. But, I do know that we will all be just fine. We will learn to adapt. We will learn to share things, including our love. We will learn as we go. And, everything will be just fine.

As long as I am living, my baby you'll be.

27 Months!!

 

Well, since it has only been a few weeks since my last monthly update, I do not have too much to report for this post. You continue to impress me and others around you. I talked to you on the phone the other day when you were at Gma Debbie and Ray's house and if I didn't know how old you were, I would have guessed I was talking to a 4 year old! You hold conversations with strangers (and animals at the zoo!) that make people question us when we say you are only 2! And, you seem to get more and more handsome every single day! I just shake my head in disbelief sometimes and wonder how it's possible that I had a hand in creating something so perfect :).

• You weigh 32ish pounds and are about 37ish inches tall. Starting to wear some 3T stuff now too and we have completely gotten rid of the 24 month stuff. You wear size 8 or 9 shoes depending on the brand.
• You are officially out of diapers at night now too. You wear your night time undies and you are a rock star!
• You are very self sufficient - you can successfully get yourself in and out of your carseat and snap yourself in! You can do this with your booster seat at meals too!
• You still love sleeping in your big boy bed. It's so cute because after we all say goodnight and we say our prayer, you walk Daddy and me to our bed and tell us where to sleep and then you go back to your room, tell us bye, shut the door and then crawl into bed...all by yourself! You are awesome.
• Not sure how it started, but Ray started calling your bottom your bumbershoot, so now we refer to it as that and it's hilarious!
• I swear you do not know a stranger. You will talk to anyone and everything. You love talking to all the neighbors and the neighbors' pets! You will make friends with anyone when we go to the park (you just met Hayden at Gma Kim's park and you talked about him all night!). It is so adorable to watch. I love that you are not shy!
• On that same note, you love going to the zoo and talking to the people and the animals. When you went with Gma Debbie and Ray, you were standing next to the kangaroo and said "hi Mr Kangaroo, I'm Jameson and that's Ray and that's Grandma". Adorable.
• You are SUPER into Star Wars now...because of Braden! It's so cute - you always want to wear your Star Wars shirt and you love carrying your "swords" around and "pewing" people and things with them. We both had a light saber the other night while taking a walk and you kept telling me you were "pewing the bushes"! (Pew as in the sound effect the light saber makes!!).
• Whenever we are driving and Mommy gets a slight bit of road rage, you always ask me so sincerely, "what mommy?". I always just respond with, "oh people just can't drive right". When we were walking across the walkway into the grocery store the other day, you made an exasperated noise and when I asked what was wrong, you said, "mommy, people can't drive right.". HILARIOUS!!
• You are also a very good backseat driver, always telling us when the lights turn red or green and if we need to stop or go (you sometimes like to call them buttons!). You also like to point out all the stop signs! 
• Ray re-introduced you to the "I got your nose" game and now we play it a lot! Except we like to throw the noses really really far and run after them and get them!
• I have said it a million times, but you are such a sweetheart. You are always looking out for me..."your tummy OK, Mommy?"; " You feeling OK, Mommy?"; "Aww, I hug you, Mommy and make you feel better."
• Verbatim conversation the other night: "What's wrong mommy." "My back is a little hurty baby."  "It's ok. Mommy, I'll make it all better" as you hug me. You are the best my little man!!
• You also like to pick me flowers - sometimes we just pretend that you are picking flowers and you always bring me the prettiest flowers :).
• We reverted back to IHOP after our gymnastics classes and you love going there because of "the guy" (AKA: Steve the Manager). He makes funny faces at you and you just love it. You also like to call him "funny face guy".
• You are an inquisitive little man, which is no surprise with as smart as you are. But, if you don't understand something, you will ask "what's that mean?". I was astounded the first time you asked me that!
• We pretty much live outside now. You love playing with your water table and taking walks in the neighborhood. When we take walks, we go on all kinds of adventures - run away from crocodiles, pumas, find bears...you think of it all!!
• http://youtu.be/w3NIMiq9nmg
• You love being at the park so much - you have gotten so good about doing things all by yourself and I don't have to worry so much this year about you falling! You will even tell me "it's too dangerous" or "I've got a big problem, Mommy. It's too scary". It was so funny when I first heard you say that something was too dangerous! I guess you do listen to us :).
• You also know when you are tuckered out because you will look at us and say, "I just need to take a break (or a rest)". So cute!
• We watched an episode of Bubble Guppies where they did the Three Little Pigs, so now we play "Big Bad Wolf" daily...sometimes multiple times a day! We take turns huffing and puffing and blowing our houses down!! So fun!
• You found your laptop that you haven't touched in months and now you like to do lots of "work" on your "puter". It is so cute!
• You sometimes call me Honey and it cracks me up. Guess that is from me calling you honey a lot.
• You are very observant - I got a pedicure the other day and when you saw my toes, you said, "you have pink toes, Mommy. I don't though, my toes are white". You are correct my dear
• One rainy weekend, we decided to break out the Wii and you love sword fighting or "Star Wars" as you call it! You are pretty good at it too!
• http://youtu.be/M3b1qm2TGbU
• You ate some new foods that were a success - brats, which we refer to as spicy hot dogs. Tacos, which we refer to as spicy hamburger. White rice - like mother, like son! Chicken and stuffing - you actually ate the stuffing and liked it! And, you are definitely a fan of steak too. You won't eat very much, but when you do take a few bites, you always say, "mmm, I like it!".
• For some reason, you call breakfast bars "hang bars". We have no clue where you got it, but it is so funny and now we all call them that!
• You get paranoid that we are going to eat your food (because we always pretend like it so that you will eat it!). One night, you had taken a few bites of your strawberries and must have forgotten because you picked one up and looked at Daddy and me so seriously and said, "hey, who ate that?".  We both started laughing hysterically, which made you laugh hysterically and then when we said that you ate it, you laughed and said, "oh I am silly". Man, you are so entertaining!!
• You like to go watch Braden play baseball and cheer him on. We are going to go see Daddy play softball soon and will go see Beckett play too!
• Another new thing that you like to play is doctor. You like to check on your animals and all of us too - you take our temperature, look in our ears, and check our throats!
• Another one of your new sayings, "it's OK, dude". Ha!
• You got another hair "trim". It's amazing how fast your hair grows! It is getting a little easier for me each time, but I still have a hard time watching those curls fall to the floor!
• You like to dress like Daddy in the mornings - so cute! And, if we ever struggle to get you to pick out an outfit, we can point out one of Braden's shirts and you immediately pick that one!
• We had a rough few mornings where you did NOT want me to go to work. It seriously breaks my heart to leave you and it always makes me evaluate things. I usually am sad about it all day, but you, on the other hand, are typically fine within two seconds of me leaving! Sometimes when we go pick you up after work, you don't want to leave Gma Debbie, Ray or Gma Kim! Tables turn quickly with you! But, you always welcome us with the biggest hugs when we see you and it makes everything right again!
• I know I am missing a ton of stuff, but I did not do a very good job of recording stuff these past few weeks. Too busy breathing in every bit of you!!! But, I do want to reiterate that you are constantly making us laugh, constantly making us smile and constantly making my heart grow with love. You also sometimes make me question my sanity :). But, that is the beauty of parenthood and I cannot imagine being anywhere but by your side!!!

Some videos:

• You have a newfound like of pirates again. We have started watching Jake more and the Bubble Guppies episode with Pirates. I think it started when you got your new Pirate Water Table from Gma Debbie and Ray! http://youtu.be/gQfCBYVbFr8
• You just being your cute little self: http://youtu.be/BJlEo6lSLq8
• Singing to me on my birthday! http://youtu.be/FMqiTTL2_fA
• It was only a matter of time before someone taught you this one, "how you doing?". LOL. http://youtu.be/nuWQiH1hJ6w

Just taking the animals for a stroll!

Checking out the gecko at the Youngs' house!

Happy Mother's Day to Mommy!

I am spoiled rotten by my boys!



Best Mother's Day present EVER!

Sometimes you just have to put your feet up and enjoy the weather!

Chowing down with Gma Kim!

Taking a walk and stopping to pet every animal along the way!

Playing with the animals while Mommy and Daddy pick
out a recliner for Baby Sister!

This kid is a pro with the corn!

Love.

Last picture before the cousins made the big move :(.

Playing in the puddles after Kindermusik!

Some nights are just an "eat dinner on Mommy's lap" type of night.

Helping Daddy grill! Notice they are dressed the same :).



Playing some Wii!

Jameson's Avatar!

Doesn't seem like that long ago when I was the one sitting in my Daddy's lap.
Love these two!

The Bean and The Bump :).

The J Buddies!

Mr. Engineer.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!




Getting ready to go see Baby Sister in 3D for Mommy's Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to me!

Always having fun!

Having fun at the Jump Spot!

Snuggle bug.

Being silly at dinner!

Bouncy house at Jonah's bday party!

Directing Hoyt over to the puddles so they can puddle jump!

Had to get one sleeping picture!



Pushing Baby Madison!

Only two and already Star Wars obsessed! I love this picture.

So perfect.

Just taking a rest and reading!

Doing some work on the puter.

Haircut time!!!!!!!!

Such a good boy, so we had to go get ice cream!

Yummy white rice!

Cheering on Braden!!

It's no wonder Jameson loves being with both sets of Grandparents...look at the fun he has with them!

Gets to play in the jeep and on the mower out at Gma Kim and PaPa's house!



Gets to have fun at the zoo with Gma Debbie and Ray!

And, he gets cool hats from them.

"Hey Mr. Kangaroo. I am Jameson and that's Ray and that's Grandma."

Jameson's new way of walking/standing. Hilarious!

Love these two!!



Can't leave anywhere without tons of new toys when you are with Ray. This is
why I have a billion stuffed pandas!!

Lesson #98476253 in Humility since becoming a Mother: Letting your child walk you
around the neighborhood like a puppy because it makes him smile and laugh :). Now, that's love.