Mommy Guilt

I don't know if it's just that I haven't let myself think about it or if it really did just now hit me, but I had my first "Jameson is not going to be my only baby anymore" moment. Surprised it took 32 weeks to have one of these moments, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to welcome baby sister and start our life as a family of 4. But, the realization that I have to share my time, my heart and my love with someone other than my little bean is quite a lot to process.  How on earth could I possibly love another little one as much as I love Jameson? How will he deal with having to share my time and love? Will he still know how much I love him?  Just thinking about this all makes me feel, well, almost guilty. He has only ever been number one. It just makes me wonder how he will deal with the massive life change. I know it is going to be a big adjustment for all of us, but I am most worried about him. I just pray that we can spread out our love equally across the two of them. I pray that my heart grows enough to share my love. I pray that neither one of my children ever questions my love for them.

After my little mini meltdown, I grabbed Jameson, hugged him and told him how much I loved him. I know that I will just have to remind him that he is still my "baby" too. He will always be my baby. We will make sure to have him help as much as possible with baby sister so that he doesn't feel like she is getting all of our time. We will have to remember to be patient if he accidentally wakes up baby sister because he was playing too loudly or during one of the "terrible two" moments. This is the part of parenthood that is a "learn as you go" situation. No one can tell you exactly how to deal with such a big change - we all do whatever works best for us. But, I do know that we will all be just fine. We will learn to adapt. We will learn to share things, including our love. We will learn as we go. And, everything will be just fine.

As long as I am living, my baby you'll be.