King of the Castle! : Threenager Hell!

Everyone warned me. "They" said three was going to be harder than two. I laughed because I kind of thought that since Jameson has always been a bit ahead of the game, maybe he would be better by three. Not so much! Let me start by saying that this age is amazing. Jameson is adorable and insanely sweet - he will come up to me out of nowhere and wrap his arms around me and tell me how much he loves me. He really is such a sweetheart. And, he is AMAZING with Gwendolyn - the absolute best big brother. And, he says the funniest things. He is always cracking me up. But, he is also very hot and cold. We never know what is going to set him off and when something does set him off, it can be almost like an out of body experience watching him react! Sometimes it is a simple 3 year old tantrum and other times, I feel like he has been taken over by the devil!! I am quite lucky to have a group of March Moms to turn to because apparently this is common among all of our Marchies. So, it's not just our child and that makes me feel better. I am sure one day I will look back on these days and yearn for the toddler tantrums as opposed to the teenage crises. But, I have to admit...I kind of wish we could fast forward a bit. The Terrible Twos seem like a walk in the park compared to this! Now, don't get me wrong, the terrible two tantrums were rough - but, two seconds after an epic tantrum, he was over it and back to being my sweet baby. The three year old tantrums seem to last an eternity.

I think the scariest thing is we just never know what will set him off. I feel like we have to walk on egg shells sometimes because it's just so up in the air what will happen. Hot and cold. Cold and hot. Jekyll and Hyde. The mood swings are insane! If this is a glimpse into how the pre-teen and teen years are going to be, I may run for the hills, now! I picked out the wrong shirt. I flushed the toilet when he wanted to. I didn't cut up his hot dog right. He wanted pasta for dinner, but not THAT kind of pasta. I didn't tuck him in right. UGH! It's a very fine line and Darin and I seem to cross it A LOT!!

Then, we have the attitude. Sometimes it's funny and I have to stifle my laughs. Like when he crossed his arms and huffed out of the room mumbling, "ugh, Daddy is soooo boring!" He actually meant annoying instead of boring, but either way, it was down right hilarious. But, then other times, it's not so funny. Like when we say, "if you finish your sandwich, you can have dessert." His response in a smug little voice - "I don't want dessert." Or, "if you don't stop screaming, we will not be going to the pool." Jameson's response - "I didn't want to go to the pool, anyway." Jameson for the win. He also gives us the silent treatment. Oh, and the dirty look/evil eye. What?? Who is this kid??

Then, there's the negotiating. Good Lord, the negotiating. Everything is to be negotiated. Bedtime, dessert, bath time, playing with friends, playing longer at the park, etc. Every. Single. Thing. And, telling him there is no room for negotiation only makes it worse. I think he should be a lawyer or a politician. Or an actor because of the other dramatics that take place on a daily basis. I call him a little mastermind because I swear the kid has already figured out the key to life!

And, then we have the independence. Everything has to be done by him. God forbid I try to flush the toilet after he is done. Or pick out his undies for the day. We all know I will pick the wrong ones and then the world might just end. But, the best part of this is that when he does try to do something alone and can't seem to get something right, the tears and whining start because "I can't do it!" If we tell him sure he can do it all by himself, the next few minutes look a little like a scene from the Exorcist. But then if we try to step in and help, we sometimes get in trouble because, "no, I can do it!" Ahhhh. We can't win.

We honestly have tried it all over the past 6ish months. We've ignored, we've yelled, we've done time outs, we've taken things away, we've tried to love on him in the middle of a meltdown, etc. We just try to adjust as we go. I try so hard to ignore because I really feel like sometimes this is just the way he "releases." But, man, it is hard to ignore the screaming for any length of time! Plus, when we have a sleeping baby trying to nap, it's hard to let the yelling and screaming carry on. He has this throaty scream that is so piercing. Painful. And, I am sure it can't be real comfortable on his throat! I have told him on more than one screaming occasion that he needs to stop because the neighbors are going to think we are hurting him...it's that loud! Couple that in with whining...and, then tell me how easy it is to ignore! Not so easy.

I really am trying hard to spin everything into a positive rather than a negative. For example, instead of saying, "if you don't finish your apples, you will not get any ice cream", I will say, "if you finish your apples, you can have some ice cream!" But, as mentioned above, sometimes he would rather be a stinker than get the reward. We also started a reward and consequence jar. He started out with a bunch of coins. Throughout the day, he will get more coins for good behavior and get coins taken away for not so good behavior. Once he gets enough coins, he can go to the store and pick out whatever he wants. It started off really great! He saved up enough to get a set of Ninja Turtle Legos. He was super pumped. But, we still have moments where we tell him that we are taking away a coin and he will say, "that's OK." Ugh. But, it's a process and we are learning as we go.

Thankfully though, things actually do seem to be getting better - I started this post quite awhile ago and since then, we have many more good days than bad days, now. Not sure if it's because Darin and I have modified our processes/reactions or if we are slowly phasing out of the threenager phase!! I do think that some of it is attention seeking, but I also truly believe that although he acts much older and can communicate well beyond his three years, he still cannot quite manage his feelings and reactions at that same level. The lethal mix of trying to get attention plus not knowing how to manage feelings typically equals an explosion that can be heard across the neighborhood! The good thing is these meltdowns/tantrums are usually in the comfort of our own home. He is a complete angel when we are out in public and normally never acts out...which is good! I think a lot of that has to do with the time of day/night and how tired he is...sure, we will go with that!

I just remind myself that this phase, too, shall pass! I will try to enjoy the Threenager moments, as I know I will become nostalgic when he is all grown up and rolling his eyes at me for other reasons than because I cut his grilled cheese incorrectly.